Weigh-in

Last week's weight: 278.6
This week's weight: 280.0
Change since last week: +1.4
Total pounds lost: 13

Sigh... Not great, but considering I only worked out Monday (after a week of not feeling well), it's not the end of the world.

Here's to getting back on top next week!

Tuesday in Review

It's not going to be a good weigh-in this week.

First, lots of food to taste at work yesterday, so I had a lot of calories I didn't need.

Second, I skipped lunch so I think my body just started holding on to everything I was eating hoping I'd feed it more later.

Third, I haven't felt well these past two days. It stormed Sunday night and again last night, and though I love sleeping through storms, it's hard to sleep through thunder that throws you out of your bed and sets off 5 or 6 car alarms. Lack of sleep = lack of feeling well.

So fourth, I haven't worked out since Monday morning. I'm really hoping for a good workout tonight if I can power through the icky feeling.

Dinner last night was great! I made a couscous loaf with some pan-seared eggplant slices, and though I enjoyed making it and it was yummy, I will never make it again. It made way too much (more than a single girl can eat), it isn't stellar enough (nutrition-wise) for all the work, and I'd like to think I can make something just as yummy much faster.
Here's the recipe in case you're interested: Couscous Loaf With Feta, Eggplant and Onion

Until the next post!

TFF

Picture of couscous in the process is the pic de jour!

Sugar, chocolate, and candy! Oh my!

Today is not going to be a great day with my food. First, it's taste-testing day at work, and we're celebrating a going-away and a few birthdays, so lots of chocolate cake, fudge, and other no-good treats. Sticking to the fruit, a small slice of cake, and water! POWER THROUGH THE SUGAR!!! haha

Looking forward to a good dinner as I totally skipped lunch (by accident).

More later.

Food diary:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/tokenfatfriend

Weekend in Review

I'm a little bit more than upset with myself lately. I started doing myfitnesspal.com to track what I'm eating, and I apparently have some work to do. I'm going to talk to my friend the diet editor some more this week, but I think I need help from an RD. I'm going over on daily sugar allowances in my first meal! One suggestion: instead of sugar, try honey or agave, right? Note to self: purchase something other than sugar.

Also: Sometimes I just need to give in to the urge to buy something totally junky at 1 a.m. in the morning after a night of celebrating and wedding partying. That one night was Saturday. No more for a while. :)

Well on to good and better things. I took a break working out Saturday and Sunday since I had company, but already back to it on Monday morning with a one-mile walk. Here's to losing some weight this week and getting one step closer to healthy!

Bad part of Monday: company lunch at a Mexican restaurant and birthday dinner at an Italian. Eh... chance to make smart choices!

Friday, July 24

I discovered myfitnesspal.com today. It's a great way for me to know how many calories I'm consuming, how much sugar, protein, sodium, etc. But I am a bit confused because I assumed to lose weight I needed to eat around 1,500 calories a day, maybe a tad more. But it says I need to have 2,060. So I talked to a friend who is a diet editor at a national magazine, and she said the heavier you are, the more calories you require even on a diet/exercise routine. As you lose weight, you cut calories. That blows my mind, but we're going with it.

So then tonight I did a quick 1 mile workout with Leslie Sansome Walk Away the Pounds, and it said I gained 160 calories because of my workout. So now does that mean I need to eat 160 calories more? I'm so confused.

But nevertheless... Here's my food diary. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/tokenfatfriend

She suggested I needed to add more calories in snacks, but I have to be careful with the carbs and sugar and crap that often come in a packaged deal with packaged snacks. I also need more dairy and whole grains in my meals. Any suggestions? I don't like yogurt, but I do like Greek yogurt every once in a while. Maybe some homemade granola?

And here's to next week when I'll be trying out a different whole grain recipe each night!

E:
workout of push ups, crunches, jumping jacks and quad exercises this a.m.
Leslie Sansome's Walk Away the Pounds 1 Mile walk this p.m.

Mood:
confused

Friday Weigh-in

Last week's weight: 280.6
This week's weight: 278.6
Change since last weigh-in: -2
Pounds lost total: 14.4

I'm not really sure what to think of it. I literally weighed myself at least 20 times because I never got the same number. At one point I was 273.2. The next time I was 280.6 again. I don't know. I went with this average, though I've been weighing myself all week and I've been in the 277, 276 range. So a little disappointed. (Maybe the ice cream was too much.) But I have been doing a lot of weights and push ups and such, so maybe I've just gained some muscle. Would love to be down to 275 by next week! Just want to make sure I'm doing everything correctly.

Thursday, July 23

I always pretend I don't like working out and sweating, but I think I'm secretly getting to where I do. :)

I had an idea today. Eventually, maybe within the next 2 weeks, I'll stop blogging what I'm eating and exercising and such and focus on other stuff. Then if I feel like I need to blog food and exercise for accountability, I'll do that. But I really do this food diary to make myself think, "Remember, someone is going to see that you're eating this spoonful of Nutella." I have that tiny little voice in my head that says, "But you don't have to tell them...." haha! So once I feel I've got my food under control, I'll probably calm down posting it everyday and jump to other things, things I find, read, like, etc. That way you're not coming here to read about my oatmeal. Every. Single. Day.

Until that time, here's my sorta great day on food and exercise. Had the snacking pre-dinner problem again. But this time it was because I was really hungry and my dinner took forever.

P.S. Jillian Michaels' Shred workout. WHOA!

B:
oatmeal with 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1.5 tbsps walnuts

L:
Healthy Choice Bacon & Smokey Cheddar Cheese
Publix almond bar

S:
100-calorie Milano pack
1 string cheese
handful almonds

D:
half boneless chicken breast, mashed potatoes (instant - yuck!), green beans

L:
small glass Naked Berry Well Being juice, small glass Trop50 oj, large glass milk, 3 glasses water, 2 glasses Crystal Light lemonade

E:
Jillian Michaels' 30-minute Shred video (WOW! Didn't actually do everything, but tried.)
1.4 miles on treadmill

Mood:
Excited

Wednesday, July 22

I wish I could say today was a great day, and it was... until I got home. I was just hungry tonight, so I snacked. And not well.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

B:
oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

S:
Publix almond bar

L:
Healthy Choice Sweet Asian Potstickers

S:
100-calorie pack of Milano cookies

D:
(I had planned to have baked chicken, but it was still frozen, so...)
spaghetti pasta with feta and walnuts (see dinner from yesterday for full description)
2 pieces of parsley-parmesan flatbread

S:
1 string cheese
1 spoonful of Nutella
handful of almonds

L:
small glass of Naked Berry juice, small glass of OJ, 2 large glasses of (skim) milk, 2 glasses of water, 1 glass of Crystal Light lemonade

E:
1 mile on the treadmill, 10 girly push-ups, 16 crunches

Mood:
Bummed

Tuesday, July 21

A great day! Ate a little heavy on the carbs, but oh well. Tomorrow's another day.

New thought: I'm going to have to cook dinner faster or move lunch back just a bit. I come home and I get the munchies. Before I know it I've had a handful of almonds, a spoonful of peanut butter and string cheese.

Tomorrow: start preparing dinner as soon as I walk in. Burn vanilla candle. Studies show people who burn vanilla candles (or have sweet scents like vanilla) while cooking are less likely to snack.

Note to self: Purchase truck load of vanilla candles.

B:
oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries, Viactiv chew (for some vitamin D and calcium!)

S:
Publix almond bar

L:
tomato, basil, mozzarella quesadilla (see details in yesterday's dinner)

S:
handful of almonds
spoonful of peanut butter

D:
spaghetti pasta with a dash of olive oil, kosher salt, black pepper, feta cheese, walnuts and a few sticks of homemade flatbread

L:
small glass of OJ, small glass of Naked Protein juice, large glass of milk, 2 glasses of water, 2 glasses of Crystal Light pink lemonade

E:
Leslie Sansome's 1-mile walk (morning); 1 mile on treadmill plus arm weights (evening)

Mood:
Relaxed

Monday, July 20

Good day today, I think. Coming off a good weekend too. Had some ice cream this weekend, but really, I just needed a bit of a splurge. :) Worked out Saturday but not Sunday. I went to the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon; isn't that a lot like running an obstacle course?

Looking forward to a great week and a dynamite weigh-in on Friday!!!

B:
oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

S:
Publix almond bar

L:
Ethnic Gourmet Pad Thai with tofu

S:
1 part-skim mozzarella stick cheese
5 almonds

D:
basil, tomato, mozzarella quesadilla - 2 whole wheat tortillas, 1 roma tomato, 5 leaves of basil chopped, 1/2 cup italian cheese mix

S:
handful of almonds

L:
small glass of OJ, small glass of Naked Juice protein juice, large glass of milk; 4 glasses of water, 2 glasses of crystal light pink lemonade

E:
10 minutes on bike; 1 mile on treadmill

Mood:
calm.

Friday, July 17

A pretty good day today. Looking forward to getting below 280 still, so I am going to try and squeeze in a workout or two this weekend. I feel like if I have the time, I should do it. If I don't, I'll know that I've been doing it when I could. And I know rest is important, so it will all balance out in the end.

B:
oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

S:
Publix almond bar

L:
grilled steak burrito with black beans
fruit and nut oatmeal cookie

S:
2 string cheeses

D:
1.5 cups cous cous with sauteed onions and diced tomatoes
4 black pepper and olive oil Triscuits
1 tbsp peanut butter

L:
1 small glass OJ, 1 large glass milk, 5 glasses of water

E:
20 minutes on bike doing intervals

Mood: Accomplished.

Weigh-In Day

So.... drum-roll please...... 280.6 lbs! I've decided to start doing .numbers because I have a feeling I'll eventually be fighting to lose even .5 of a pound, so there we go. A loss of 3.4 pounds! I can't wait to get below 280. I think I can do it by this time next week!

Thursday, July 16

What a great day after yesterday! Tried to get back into good food. Dinner was going to be delicious, but my chicken thighs were still frozen when I got home. So that will be for tomorrow.

Got in some great exercise and looking forward to a weigh-in tomorrow!

B:
Oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

L:
Chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A with waffles fries

S:
1 low-fat park-skim mozzarella cheese string

D:
1.5 cups whole wheat cous cous with sauteed onions and diced tomatoes
1/2 carrot carrots

L:
8 oz. Naked Protein juice, 8 oz. orange juice, 1 glass skim milk, 4 glasses water, 1 Diet Coke

E:
1 mile on the treadmill (started at low grade, worked up to 10 then back down), arm exercises

Mood:
Refreshed

Wednesday, July 15

Not a good day today, guys.

First - I am totally and utterly exhausted from seeing Harry Pottery at midnight. (Though, it was totally worth it The show ended around 2:30, but we didn't get in until 3:00 which means I didn't get to sleep until about 3:30. I had to be up at 7 for work, and I've forgotten since college how to function on so few hours of zzz's.

Second - I met a friend at Panera for an early morning snack, and we split a cinnamon crunch bagel. Then I grabbed another whole grain bagle with sun-dried tomato spread for lunch. So 1.5 bagels today. Ugh. I feel like a boat.

Third - Dinner was just leftover spaghetti and meatballs, nothing healthy. I filled up quickly (I'm assuming from the bagels), so I'm chewing a piece of gum to get rid of the spaghetti taste. I think brushing my teeth would accomplish the same thing.

Because I'm so tired I don't know if I'll muster up the energy to go to the gym. Instead, I might get up in the a.m., do a workout video and get back on routine tomorrow night. (If I do exercise, I'll update this post.)

So all in all, not a proud day, but not all days will be great, I suppose. Until tomorrow!

B:
Oatmeal with 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

S:
1/2 cinnamon crunch bagel with honey walnut spread

L:
Whole grain bagel with a small amount (about 1/4 of the container) of sun-dried tomato spread

D:
Spaghetti and meatballs

L:
Small glass of orange juice, 4 glasses of water, glass of punch (pink lemonade, white grape juice and champagne) from taste testing

E:
None (will update if that changes tonight)

Mood:
Frustrated.

Tuesday, July 14

Today wasn't the best food day (and since I'm writing this before Harry Potter, it might get worse). But exercise was good. And I'm feeling great. I am, however, having a little stiffness when I climb stairs. I'm stretching after working out, but maybe not enough. Any ideas?

B:
Oatmeal with 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

S:
100-calorie pack Milano cookies (work related, but made it my snack)

L:
Health Choice Smoked Bacon Cheddar Chicken dinner with broccoli and cauliflower. Sounds more decadent than it is, but it's good on the nutrition. Lots of grains in the rice.

S:
1 Public almond bar

D:
Spaghetti with meatballs; added diced tomatoes for a little freshness

L:
4 glasses of water, 1 Mountain Dew

E:
15 minutes on the elliptical; 15 minutes on the treadmill at varied grades

Will update if I add anything during the movie.

My Secret Weapon

I found these bowls a few months back and love them. They are my secret weapon in the fight against over snacking. They're tiny, 4 ounce bowls; just enough for ice cream, nuts, chips, anything I want to snack on but need to control. And not only for you, but it's great to get others in your house in the habit of using these bowls to properly portion out things.

Until later!

Monday, July 13

It feels so good to sweat!!! I just got back from the gym, and I feel great!

I have family coming down for the Harry Potter premiere tomorrow night, so I'm hoping I can hold them off from buying giant cokes and buttery popcorn. I may sneak in a snack of my own so I'm not tempted.

B:
Oatmeal with 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, 1/4 cup blueberries

S:
Publix almond bar

L:
3 pieces of pork loin (about 1/2 inch thick), 1/2 cup green beans, dab or horseradish mustard on pork

S:
Handful of olive oil and black pepper triscuits
1 ounce goat cheese

D:
3 pieces of pork loin (about 1/2 inch thick), 1/2 cup green beans, 1/2 cup creamed corn, 1 fruit and nut oatmeal cookie

L:
5 glasses of water

E:
15 minutes on elliptical, 3/4 mile on treadmill at incline for first 1/2 mile

Until tomorrow!

The Weekend

So I wasn't very good at posting what I did this weekend, though none of it was bad. (I promise to keep it updated this week.) I didn't work out Saturday but did do 15 minutes of elliptical, 10 minutes of treadmill on an incline and 10 minutes of bike on Sunday. Food was good. Made some baked chicken, a pork loin, some fresh green beans, some roasted squash and have it ready to go for the week. Overall, it was a great weekend, and I'm looking forward to an amazing week!

Especially Harry Potter!!!!

Friday, July 10

Today was a good day! I was on a bit of a high because of the weigh in. I got up and worked out this morning, did a mile walk with the Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds tape. It's a great workout even if you are doing it at home. I wanted to get it in since I wasn't able to go to the gym Thursday night, but then I also went to the gym after work with my roommate. I did 10 minutes on the elliptical then 10 minutes on the treadmill at an incline/grade of 12. It wore me slap out. But I felt great after!!! I did a few small weights as well, but I was in a hurry so I'll focus on that again next week.

My job requires me to try a lot of different foods, so sometimes that works against me. I'm working to control it and keep track of it so I'm not eating too much. I'll make the taste tests count as a snack or something.

Looking forward to next week!

B:
Oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, handful of blueberries

S:
Almond bar

L:
Baked chicken breast with lemon pepper seasoning (salt free), salad with 2 tbsp dressing and 2 tbsp feta cheese
1 nut and fruit granola cookie

S:
1/2 a serving (27 pieces) of Pepperidge Farms S'mores Goldfish (only 75 calories!)

D:
Grilled chicken breast with pico de gallo and melted cheese on top, 1 cup of rice, 1.5 cups of black beans
1 nut and fruit granola cookie

L:
Small glass of orange juice, large glass of skim milk, 5 glasses of water

E:
20-minute (1 mile) Walk Away the Pounds
10 minutes on elliptical
10 minutes on treadmill
a few arm weights

Weigh-In Day

So Friday morning has come again, and I weighed in at 284 pounds. My first weigh in was 278 pounds, and I just knew that couldn't be right. I was having a hard time standing still on the scale (mostly because I think I was falling back to sleep standing there). So I tried again and got 284.

That's a loss of 5 pounds in one week. I'm actually really surprised and feel really great! I'd like to be down to 275 by July 24. Small goals. One at a time.

But big celebration for 5 pounds gone!!!

Thursday, July 9

Sorry, again, that I'm posting on Friday, but crazy day yesterday.

It was a good day. I didn't get any exercise in, but I will make it up this weekend. Promise!

B:
Oatmeal, 1/2 tbsp flaxseed oil, handful of blueberries

S:
Publix almond bar

L:
Chicken fingers and fries from Jack's. (Bad choice. Had to grab it between meetings.)

D:
Grilled chicken fajitas. Made 1 taco with grilled chicken, grilled onions, guac sauce, sour cream and pico de gallo. Had a few piece of chicken and a bite of black beans. I was full, so I put the rest up and will have it for dinner later.

L:
small glass of orange juice, large glass of skim milk, 1 medium diet coke, 5 glasses of water

E:
none

Wednesday, July 8

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9!!! Happy 7/8/09!

Today was a good day. I went to the doctor yesterday for a yearly check up, and it wasn't pretty. I hadn't been to the doctor in almost 3 years, and in those 3 years, I gained 23 pounds. My blood pressure was high, 130/100. I'm a little nervous because this is the first time it's been high. So now I'm ultra determined to get healthy! But now that I'm back in my normal routine, my diet was good, my exercise was great, and I'm looking forward to losing some weight!

I'm working out late at night. I'm not a morning person, so it's great for me to work out. BUT... it's around 9 p.m. before that happens. Thankfully, it helps me go to sleep and rest well. But I wake up just completely starving and end up being really hungry for lunch early in the morning. So tonight I ate a slice of toast before bed, hoping it helps get me through the night until my oatmeal in the morning. Is a slice of toast really the best snack? What about a bar with fruit and nuts?

B:
1 pack of oatmeal with 1/2 tablespoon Flax Seed Oil stirred in

L:
Half sandwich from Publix: Wheat bread, turkey, American cheese, lettuce, green bell pepper, onions, pickles, mustard

S:
1 ounce of cheese, 8 Triscuits

D:
Boneless chicken breast seasoned with Mrs. Dash's lemon pepper, 1 small can of green beans, salad with shredded cheese and 2 tbsp Tuscan Italian Dressing
1 Pepperidge Farm Fruit and Nut Granola Cookie

S: slice of wheat toast with 1 tbsp Nutella

L:
Large glass of milk, 1 Mountain Dew, 3 large glasses of water

E:
25 minutes on the stationary bike, 10 minutes on the treadmill, a few arm exercises

Tuesday, July 7

Sorry I'm doing this on Wednesday. It's been crazy with traveling. I had a great day, and a great workout! Food was not good at all since I was on the road. But being back at home will definitely help!

B:
Bowl of Captain Crunch, skim milk

L:
Cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, onion, pickle
French Fries

D:
Chicken fingers
French Fries
Texas Toast

L:
3 glasses of water, 1 Mountain Dew, 1 Diet Coke

E:
15 minutes on the elliptical, 10 minutes on the bike, arm weights

New layout

I wasn't really happy with my last layout style. Too busy, too close together. I'm not sure I like this either, but it's getting there. I need to bring out my old HTML books from college so I can manipulate the code to get exactly what I want. But then, I might totally destroy the page. Ha!

Monday, July 6, 2009

I felt great today, but my arms are so sore. Haha! I didn't have the greatest food day, but again, I'm traveling, so I've got to learn on-the-road eating tips. I didn't get any exercise in because I didn't get to the place I'm staying until around 9:30, and I was just too tired. But still, a good day.

B:
none - was late waking up

S:
Kettle Brand Tuscan Cheese potato chips (about 1/2 cup)

L:
Chicken Box from Guthrie's (chicken fingers, french fries, slaw, slice of bread)

S:
Cinnamon Crunch bagel from Panera

D:
Chicken tacos (3) and rice from Mexican restaurant

L:
3 large glasses of water, 2 large glasses of Coke

E:
None - traveling

Until tomorrow...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

With the holiday, my routine and plans were all thrown. But once I'm back in the swing of things, food choices and exercising will be a bit easier. Sadly, it'll come later this week, as I will be traveling Monday and Tuesday. It's hard to control what's purchased when it's not my home or when I'm on the road, etc. Part of this experience will be learning how to make those decisions when it's not my comfort zone. But otherwise, Sunday was not a particularly good day, especially with food. I did get in some great exercise though. I felt totally alive after it.

B:
Chicken biscuit from McDonald's

L:
none

Snack:
2 brownies (homemade)
About 1/2 cup homemade guacamole (avocado, 2 tbsp corn, half-a-lime juice, sea salt) and tortilla rounds

D:
Macaroni and cheese (about 1.5 cups)

L:
1 Diet Mountain Dew, 2 glasses of water with fresh lemon and lime

E:
10 minutes on elliptical, 10 minutes of intervals on stationary bike, worked on arms with weight

Fabulous 4th

Of course it's a holiday, so I didn't do well. We grilled steaks and ribs. I ate a small portion of steak and about 1/4 of a pork rib. Had a salad too. It needed more veggies, but we threw it together last second. I nibbled throughout the day as I was cooking, so I don't feel too great.

But will get back on board this week. Going grocery shopping tomorrow, so I'm making a list of meals for the week. This helps me with my budgeting and my plans for cooking.

Happy Fourth of July, all!

Breakfast:
bowl of Pops and skim milk

Lunch:
chicken sandwich with half a chicken breast on whole wheat bread with cheese and mustard
about 10 lightly salted potato chips

Dinner:
small steak, 1/4 pork rib, small potato with butter, spoonful of cottage cheese, salad with croutons, shredded cheese, and fat free caesar italian dressing.

Dessert:
2 frozen mini York peppermint patties

Exercise:
none except walking around stores

Liquids:
2 glasses of water, 1 Diet Mountain Dew

Who Ate My Blog?

I found this guy via Twitter a few weeks ago. He is my motivation to get up and get started finally. I follow his web site every day, and his progress is my inspiration.

(My blog probably also looks a lot like his. Yes, it's true. His looks and flows really well, so why mess with a good thing? I'll try my best to be different, just in case he has claims or copyrights. Haha!)

My Plan

-- Start with exercising 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. Slowly increase aerobic exercise and add weights.

-- Eat a nutritious, filling breakfast.

-- Make lunch count; not just junk to fill a void.

-- Dinner needs to be light, healthy, and easy.

-- Increase my vocabulary of foods. I often avoid fruits and foreign veggies, but in order to max out my food-based vitamins and minerals, I'll try to add one new item to my menu each week.

-- Weigh everyday but post only weekly weigh-in totals. I've read a good bit of science saying people who weigh every day have a better success rate. Might have something to do with having that number (good or bad) on your mind.

-- Up my water consumption from about 2 glasses a day to at least 5 (for a start).

-- When dining out, push half to one side and save it for later. (This saves money too!) I'll also ask if a friend would like to split something.

-- Salad dressings will be served on the side. This way I can lightly dip the lettuce into the dressing and put it in my mouth first. I get an immediate taste of dressing without having leaves coated in fat and calories.

-- Dessert is a luxury, not a necessity.

-- Fruit can be a dessert too.

-- Give up Mountain Dew. I've had at least one Mountain Dew a week for the last 8 years. It's a ridiculous waste of calories, and I get no nutrition from it.

-- Find fun things to do on weekends and down times. Looking forward to doing something will keep me from watching TV and loading up on snack foods.

-- Use this web site and the community I join (hopefully) through this web site to stay accountable.

(Will be updated and revised as I progress. Will also have beginning pictures and progression pictures added as soon as I can remove faces.)

Getting Started

I work around very healthy people and have a great understanding of how I can work to lose weight, eat right, and most importantly, get healthy. It'll be a slow process because, after all, I've been fat for 24 years.

Meds are out. I took prescription weight loss pills in high school, lost nearly 80 pounds and gained it all back (plus some) in college.

Weight loss surgery is out. Yes, I know plenty of people who have had it and look great, but after all my research, I've decided we just don't know enough about the long-term side effects to risk removing a portion of my stomach. Plus, I also know quite a few people who have gained back every bit of the weight they lost.

Self-loathing is out. I'll remember that I am beautiful even if most people wouldn't agree. I'll learn to love what I am going to be and that I'm willing to fight for a change.

Exercise is in. I'll start with walking videos, treadmill, elliptical and build myself up to possibly running. When I'm more comfortable in the gym, I might seek out a personal trainer to help with toning and hitting problem areas.

Healthy eating is in. I've got great resources for healthy cooking, organic, all-natural foods. I love to cook new things, so that won't be a problem. And I know of great restaurants in my area so I can eat healthy without zapping my small food budget.

Healthy rewards are in. I'll reward myself with new exercise videos, great workout clothes, new running shoes or smaller-sized clothes, not food and sugary treats.

Why It'll Work This Time
It's not like I haven't spent years of my life thinking, "I need to lose weight." I have. And I've tried weird things like only drinking Slim-Fast (lost 20 pounds, gained 30 pounds). But this time, I'm dedicated and serious. I don't like losing my breath when I walk a block. I don't like not fitting into a seat on the airplane. I don't like worrying if I'll set off an alarm if I squeeze into a crowded elevator. This time it isn't to be popular or pretty; it's to be healthy.

My Motivation

It's not easy being 300 pounds at 24. Friends go skiing in the winter and swimming during the summer. They're in serious relationships, getting married, or having children. They wear beautiful suits to work and cute tops to dance clubs.

I weigh 300 pounds. I haven't been in a relationship for 5 years, and I can't climb the stairs without panting. I wear a size 24 pant and XXL top.

I avoid going anywhere for fear of people looking at me and making comments. I definitely don't go out to bars anymore. My friends all get free drinks, and I get ignored. When I'm in public, all I can think is, "I weigh 300 pounds."

I am doing this for my health. All of my family is large. My grandfather and father are diabetic. I don't want to have a heart attack at 30 and die young. I want to be able to pick up and go to the beach without buying coverups or making an excuse. I don't want to think of reasons to avoid eating in public.

I don't want to be skinny; I want to be healthy. And I'm doing this so I can be proud of myself for taking a stand and taking control of my life.